~Chapter 1~
Rayon was currently on one of the many thatched rooftops of Angelspire .His parents were peasants, but his father had made contact with a band of assassins known as "The Order" and was training with them ever since. He came to revere his master, who was solely known as Black Corvus. Corvus was one of the many lieutenants in The Order, but he was the brains behind many of their biggest operations. Just last week, Corvus and a small band of assassins had eliminated a top ranking family in Bryrwood. But now, Rayon had his own mission. He was to eliminate a monarchy, but systematically. He was working on killing one of the princesses bodyguards. The man had sinned against the gods, and that was supposedly why the Order wanted him dead. So, Rayon had complied. The man walked across the pavement, in his Oculatos uniform. It disgusted Rayon, how the Oculatos pranced about thinking they were elite. But, today Rayon would take them down a peg, or twenty. He dropped down, sliding down the straw roof of the house, hidden by a thick bank of shadow. He walked quietly, avoiding loose leaves and twigs. The bodyguard stopped and looked around, before taking a hefty looking cigar out of his pocket and lighting it. 'You have committed crimes against the gods. May they have mercy on your damned soul." Rayon muttered to himself as he snuck behind the man, taking out a poisoned knife. "Rest in Peace, brother." Rayon said, before plunged the knife through the man's chest and backing away. Then, all hell broke loose.
~Chapter 2~

browners wrote:~Chapter 1~
Rayon was currently on one of the many thatched rooftops of Angelspire. His parents were peasants, but his father had made contact with a band of assassins known as "The Order" and was had been training with them ever since. He came to revere his master, who was solely known as Black Corvus. Corvus was one of the many lieutenants in The Order, but he was the brains behind many of their biggest operations. Just last week, Corvus and a small band of assassins had eliminated a top ranking family in Bryrwood. But now, Rayon had his own mission. He was to eliminate a monarchy, but systematically. He was working on killing one of the princesses princess's bodyguards. The man had sinned against the gods, and that was supposedly why the Order wanted him dead. So, Rayon had complied. The man walked across the pavement, in his Oculatos What's this? uniform. It disgusted Rayon, how the Oculatos pranced about thinking they were elite. But, today Rayon would take them down a peg, or twenty. He dropped down, sliding down the straw roof of the house, hidden by a thick bank of shadow Idk about this, it might just be me but it sounds a bit weird. He walked quietly, avoiding loose leaves and twigs. The bodyguard stopped and looked around, before taking a hefty looking cigar out of his pocket and lighting it. 'You have committed crimes against the gods. May they have mercy on your damned soul." Rayon muttered to himself as he snuck behind the man, taking out a poisoned knife. "Rest in Peace, brother." Rayon said, before plunged the knife through the man's chest and backing away. Then, all hell broke loose.

Overall, it's pretty good! A few grammar and spelling things, but it was good. Not too much detail, but enough to be interesting. Although some was a bit confusing, maybe elaborate on why has father was working with The Order? Maybe describe Rayon sneaking up behind the man? There wasn't much there.
I liked it though!

I LOVE all of the original names and places you have created! Being many a fantasy writer myself, I know that's half of the fun!

Amazing stuff!

I thought this was really good- I loved it! :D

Like Rachel said, just check the spelling and grammar! But other than that, I can't think of any criticism! :)